Embrace or Repel?

In the midst of a long journey, there's always that moment when you look ahead, you look behind, and you think about giving up... You're feet are hurting, your back is aching, your mind is weary... You think "Nobody's ever been down this road before... Why do I have to be the one to pave the way?" You hunger for 'average' in this moment, believing that being anything less than who you are must be easier than this.

It's in this moment that I found myself today, wishing I were somewhere else, someone else, wishing things were different... but, even after the pity party, long after the tears were shed, and well beyond feeling lost in what was and trapped by what could've been, there's one truth that remains: this IS...

To look back on today, I can say that this was a 'hard' day. I couldn't seem to flip the switch from yesterday to this moment. No matter what I affirmed or what I said or what I did, the truth of today has been this: I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to be patient. I'm afraid to be where I am. I'm afraid to be WHO I am.

Ten years ago, that 'me' would've run scared. She would've done her best to escape the situation. Whether in work or in food or some other time-consuming, mind numbing event, she would've repressed every feeling, giving in to the victim and hiding from the warrior.

But I did something different today. I embraced today for what it was... hard, sad, painful, heart wrenching. I embraced it all and said two things to myself, "I'm choosing this" and "God knows."

Those two statements got me to a place where I can now see today as a wisdom-acquiring process. What spurred today was not a fear of failure but an epiphany of success. I am becoming more and more of who I am... and that is scary.

Am I running from it? No. Am I running to it? No.

I'm accepting each day for what it is, knowing that at any moment, I have a choice:
1) Embrace my magnificence or 2) Repel it.

I choose to embrace it.

I'll Never Get Racist, Sexist People

It never fails to amaze me that racist, sexist people still exist... Really though? Seriously? We're about to be in 2010. The man as the breadwinner, the woman as the secretary, black people living in ghettos, and immigrants not speaking English IS A MYTH.

Frustrated today? Oh yeah! Disheartened by the ignorance and stupidity of people? Yes!

But, there's one beautiful gift that comes with age: the ability to step back and know that "he can have patience can have what he will" (Benjamin Franklin).

Needless to say, I've pulled out my copy of "The Four Agreements" and I've recited "Don't take it personal." We don't learn from people who judge us and my judgment of their ignorance is equal to their judgment of people unlike themselves.

The answer to all this separation talk? Love.

God, let me love them with an open heart and see their banter with a compassionate spirit... I am willing to see things differently...

Intimacy is Sacred... and Challenging

Intimacy... In To Me I See...

Most of us are prepared to love. We are born to love, built in love, sometimes afraid of love and always willing to hear about love... But what about intimacy?

Intimacy is sacred, exhilarating, and very, very mysterious. Most of us know the word and, yet, few of us live the experience.

I came across Marianne Williamson's prayer on intimacy, read it this morning, and it touched my heart. I hope it touches yours as well...

Dear God,

Please show me how to love.

Teach me how to extend my light into the life of another.

Remove the barriers to my soul, the walls which stand in front of my heart,

My commitment to aloneness,

My resistances to joining.

I do not seek love, dear God, for I know it is all around me.

I seek instead the healing of my resistances to it,

the strengthening of my spirit;

That I might learn to love, to love well, to love fully, to love deeply.

When my true love calls, dear Lord,

Please keep my ears open.

Let me not shut down.

Let me not forsake him.

Let me always remember that his call to love him is my call to love You.

Thank You very much.

Amen.

- Marianne Williamson, Illuminata