Beginning a New Journey... Autism and Divorce

Last Sunday, my life changed.

There wasn't much on TV so I turned to CSPAN. I'm not much of a C-SPAN fan but a hearing on autism was taking place and I wanted to see what was going on.
As everyone knows, the debate about funding for autism research is HUGE. Not only the funding but the provision and future of children who have autism. How are we, as a country, preparing to train and care for these children who will soon be adults? How are we supporting the families dealing with autism? The questions are numerous and while most of the hearing was about requests for funding, research and support, one of the speakers said something that completely astounded me: families dealing with autism have over an 85% divorce rate.

I'm a predivorce strategist and I work with clients daily on developing pre-divorce exit plans, scenarios, and everything leading up to making the final decision of whether to stay or go. So when I heard that there's an OVER 85% divorce rate among families with autism, it blew me away... and it changed my life.

I did my research. I looked for books on autism and divorce. I went to Amazon.com. NADA, nothing, no books talking about this all important issue.

Divorce is hard enough by itself but I couldn't imagine going through a divorce when dealing with autism. So now I'm on a mission. I'm going to write a book on autism and divorce, not promoting divorce but promoting the support, strategy, and coping strategies that any family dealing with autism need not only to survive together but to thrive together. If you know any married couple (happily or unhappily married) who have children with autism and they'd be willing to interview with me, please let me know. My goal is to interview over 500 couples for the book.

My new calling came to me on a Sunday from C-SPAN. It's amazing how God works...
If you'd like to interview with me, send me an email at thepredivorcestrategist@gmail.com

There's No Room for 'Try'

I'm up this morning, earlier than I would've liked to have been, bright eyed, bushy tailed and very deep in thought. What am I thinking about? Greatness.

I'm thinking about my own greatness, that it's in me, that I'm using some of it but not all of it, that I'm kind of scared of it and, yet, that I want to channel it for good... How best can I do that?

Well that answer really scares me because every time I ask that question, I get the SAME EXACT ANSWERS... and then comes the thought "Me? Who? How? When? Why?"

And then I get nothing... No answer, no angelic response, no yellow brick road, just silence.

I know what I have to do. I know what it's going to take. I know that it's in me to do it... and I'm still scared.

Here's where I have to take my own success advice, right? Feel the fear and do it anyway. Truth be told, taking a risk has never been my dilemma; staying the course has been. Rejection is never what's gotten to me in the past; doubt always has been and, for the very first time in my life, I don't care so much about the doubt. I no longer have the luxury of not staying the course.

I know what I have to do and I'm now willing to be here as long as it takes to get it done... and I'm still scared. Ahh, the beauty of being alive, to feel what we feel and still keep it moving!

As the wise Yoda has said, "Do or do not. There is no try!"

Yesterday I Had a Down Day

Yesterday I had a down day. I don't have them very often so when they arrive, it has a profound effect on me. I felt fear, doubt, and worry yesterday and while I knew that it wasn't based on anything tangible, I couldn't shake a sense of feeling like I wasn't as far along as I wanted to be. Well, yesterday's gone and today is here and I went to bed extra early (I'd only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before) and, at 5:47 am, I feel absolutely refreshed, in passion, and on purpose.

What's the point?

There are going to be discouraging days. There are going to be days where you feel like you're not as far along as you'd like to be, where you look at your results and you look at your efforts and you wonder "Is this worth it?"

Understand what those days come to teach you:

1) Surrender
Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly that we're not able to let go and trust that everything works out in divine timing; it does. Yesterday, I wanted to write a facebook note and was upset with myself most of the morning that I didn't feel like writing it. Guess what happened? I meditated mid-afternoon and got up and wrote a fabulous note in under 15 minutes. Had I trusted that the words would come, I would've saved myself a great deal of frustration.

2) Self Care
Sleep IS vital. Let me say that again (because I'm talking to myself too here): SLEEP IS VITAL. If you aren't getting AT LEAST 5 hours of sleep a night (Dr. Oz says 7-8), you are not at your best and when you're not at your best, little things start to look like big things and opportunities begin to look like obstacles and, before you know it, you start to miss important experiences. Get sleep. If you can't get it at night, take naps during the day. Meditate. Quiet your mind. All of these are key. Eat well. Eat healthy. Drink plenty of water. As Norman Vincent Peale has said, "A clean mind always delivers power."

3) Faith
I can't speak on faith enough. If I could spend everyday talking about one thing, it's faith. What you believe in (what you truly, deep down believe in) becomes true for you. When you're tired and frustrated, sleep deprived and having a discouraging day, really pay attention to your thoughts because they're pointing out to you what you truly, in your subconscious, believe. This is a wonderful opportunity because when it comes to the surface (and it always does on a discouraging day), you have the opportunity to go, "Hmmm, so that's what's hiding in my subconscious. Ok. What results has that kind of thinking been getting me? Hmmm, ok, so not what I want. Well, let me now choose differently." And then you're free to choose new thoughts that take you from success to success.

4) Every experience is a success
Here's the thing about discouraging days: they pass. Don't get caught up in one discouraging day. It has its purpose in your life. Maybe you're not supposed to work so much on that day. Maybe you're supposed to get wind of the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. Maybe you're supposed to learn how to trust and let go. Maybe you just need to go out and have some fun for once. Who knows? But the truth is this: every experience is a success and everything happens for a reason. When you begin to look at life this way, even the discouraging days encourage.