Kassandra Vaughn

The Workaholic in Me Has No Understanding of 'Summer Break'

2010-07-19T02:41:00.004-04:00

Summertime... I guess at some point the summer meant "break" to me but I can't really recall the last time I actually equated the two. Even on summer breaks from college, I was working on something. When I think of who I am, I equate alot of that to my ability to work. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing but I love what I do and I do what I love and that passion shows through in my work ethic.

I wouldn't say I'm at a workaholic level. With the kids with me for the summer, workaholic isn't even possible but I will say this: the workaholic in me does not get the idea of 'summer vacation'... but my children do. So I'm learning how to deal with lower levels of productivity but increased levels of fun and laughter. It's an awkward classroom to be in but, as my daughter says, "I'm lovin' it!" (at least trying to...).

Winter Solstice (Read Time: 2 min)

2009-12-21T20:48:00.003-05:00

Today's the Winter Solstice. I spent the weekend working on a vision board, putting down my dreams and goals for 2010. They're very different than last year or the year before. Before this year, I focused on the things I wanted: cars, money, career, the targets, titles and items that seemed, at the time, to make life mean something.

This year, I've decided to focus on my state of being, what's really important to me. On my vision board is so much more than what I WANT; I've put down the state of mind I'm choosing to be in. Family is a big theme in my vision board. Having fun, feeling free, enjoying life is another big thing. Health, wealth, and happiness run through every single picture.

There are still some materialistic things on there, things that I know I'll have, scenes of life I know I'll experience but, for the most part, what I collaged about wasn't anything that I don't already possess right now. It simply was the amped up version of the life I already have... and maybe that's the gift right there. This is the very first time in my life that I've come to the realization that... nothing's missing.

It's taken 31.75 years to get here...

Stop apologizing

2009-12-01T20:14:00.003-05:00

Looking in people's faces is an interesting thing. Stare long enough and you get to see where the imbalances are. You can look in a face that's cold, rigid, unwilling to smile and see a hard person who'd rather die on the inside then fall apart on the outside. You can look into a happy, smiling, glorious face that is so filled with joy you can barely contain the ripple effect. Their excitement makes you want to dance... and you don't even know why.

Sometimes, though, you look into someone's face and their eyes cry out in pain while they're faces press for "happy go lucky." It's the game of pretending to be what we think we ought to be so other people can pretend to be the response they think we need. Confusing, right? Right!

Why don't we allow ourselves to be... human?

Why pretend? Why play games? Why jump to conclusions? Why shy away from the "touchy" subjects?

There comes a moment when those "masks" we all wear can no longer take the magnitude of who we REALLY are. There comes a day when it isn't enough to "put on a pretty face", when life becomes more than putting on a show... and that's what so many people fight, the freedom to be who they really are AND not apologize for it.

Stop apologizing. Life is too short to walk around feeling small, playing small, living below your own light.

Nobody's perfect and, yet, everybody is. That's the duality of life. Everybody shits, everybody cries, everybody feels joy, and everybody dies. There's a circle of life and if we could simply just embrace it, love it, and live it, life would get really, really simple: just be...

Embrace or Repel?

2009-11-10T20:14:00.002-05:00

In the midst of a long journey, there's always that moment when you look ahead, you look behind, and you think about giving up... You're feet are hurting, your back is aching, your mind is weary... You think "Nobody's ever been down this road before... Why do I have to be the one to pave the way?" You hunger for 'average' in this moment, believing that being anything less than who you are must be easier than this.

It's in this moment that I found myself today, wishing I were somewhere else, someone else, wishing things were different... but, even after the pity party, long after the tears were shed, and well beyond feeling lost in what was and trapped by what could've been, there's one truth that remains: this IS...

To look back on today, I can say that this was a 'hard' day. I couldn't seem to flip the switch from yesterday to this moment. No matter what I affirmed or what I said or what I did, the truth of today has been this: I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to be patient. I'm afraid to be where I am. I'm afraid to be WHO I am.

Ten years ago, that 'me' would've run scared. She would've done her best to escape the situation. Whether in work or in food or some other time-consuming, mind numbing event, she would've repressed every feeling, giving in to the victim and hiding from the warrior.

But I did something different today. I embraced today for what it was... hard, sad, painful, heart wrenching. I embraced it all and said two things to myself, "I'm choosing this" and "God knows."

Those two statements got me to a place where I can now see today as a wisdom-acquiring process. What spurred today was not a fear of failure but an epiphany of success. I am becoming more and more of who I am... and that is scary.

Am I running from it? No. Am I running to it? No.

I'm accepting each day for what it is, knowing that at any moment, I have a choice:
1) Embrace my magnificence or 2) Repel it.

I choose to embrace it.

I'll Never Get Racist, Sexist People

2009-11-03T19:32:00.002-05:00

It never fails to amaze me that racist, sexist people still exist... Really though? Seriously? We're about to be in 2010. The man as the breadwinner, the woman as the secretary, black people living in ghettos, and immigrants not speaking English IS A MYTH.

Frustrated today? Oh yeah! Disheartened by the ignorance and stupidity of people? Yes!

But, there's one beautiful gift that comes with age: the ability to step back and know that "he can have patience can have what he will" (Benjamin Franklin).

Needless to say, I've pulled out my copy of "The Four Agreements" and I've recited "Don't take it personal." We don't learn from people who judge us and my judgment of their ignorance is equal to their judgment of people unlike themselves.

The answer to all this separation talk? Love.

God, let me love them with an open heart and see their banter with a compassionate spirit... I am willing to see things differently...

Intimacy is Sacred... and Challenging

2009-10-18T16:39:00.002-04:00

Intimacy... In To Me I See...

Most of us are prepared to love. We are born to love, built in love, sometimes afraid of love and always willing to hear about love... But what about intimacy?

Intimacy is sacred, exhilarating, and very, very mysterious. Most of us know the word and, yet, few of us live the experience.

I came across Marianne Williamson's prayer on intimacy, read it this morning, and it touched my heart. I hope it touches yours as well...

Dear God,

Please show me how to love.

Teach me how to extend my light into the life of another.

Remove the barriers to my soul, the walls which stand in front of my heart,

My commitment to aloneness,

My resistances to joining.

I do not seek love, dear God, for I know it is all around me.

I seek instead the healing of my resistances to it,

the strengthening of my spirit;

That I might learn to love, to love well, to love fully, to love deeply.

When my true love calls, dear Lord,

Please keep my ears open.

Let me not shut down.

Let me not forsake him.

Let me always remember that his call to love him is my call to love You.

Thank You very much.

Amen.

- Marianne Williamson, Illuminata

Feeling Good (Knew I Would;)

2009-08-19T22:12:00.002-04:00

The headaches have finally gone away (Hallelujah!!!!). I'm feeling really good. I don't miss the rice, the pasta, the wheat, the gluten, the dairy (I was always a Soy Milk fan) OR the coffee (sorry Starbucks:). I don't miss any of it and that's kinda strange.

I love the fact that I can keep track of all of my calories on www.fitday.com. It lets me know where I'm missing nutrition and other things. I feel really good.

On an aside, I saw Star Trek (the new one) last night and it was AWESOME! Action packed from the first scene to the last. I wasn't a Trekkie before this but now I'm thinkin'... yeah.

I'm Free to Choose...

2009-08-17T15:00:00.002-04:00

I was having an issue this morning about deleting a friend on Facebook. Can you believe that? For about five good minutes, I was worrying about whether or not to delete someone I didn't want appearing in MY Facebook stream.

I'm re-reading "You Can Heal Your Life" and I'm on Chapter 3 so this popped out at me immediately as an opportunity to do a mental clean-up of one of the rooms in my "house" called "seeking other people's approval."

At the end of the day, I affirmed "I love and approve of myself" about a zillion times and deleted that friend.

What's the lesson?

The power is always in the present moment. I choose... always...

Day 2 of Gluten, Wheat, Dairy & Sugar Free!

2009-08-16T13:55:00.001-04:00

It's Day 2 of no gluten, wheat, dairy and sugar. Who knew salad dressing had high fructose corn syrup in it? Needless to say, I got a crash course yesterday in making homemade salad dressing.

Yesterday was full of sleep and headaches... and not in that order but today I woke up REALLY thirsty with a slight headache. I downed 26 oz of water (I'm on my second 26 oz of water) and had a great breakfast and I feel good.

I still have a slight headache but I'm getting used to this... Now let's see when the energy surge happens. Yes, it's only Day 2. Am I impatient? Just a little:)

I'm Doing a Little Experiment on Myself

2009-08-15T14:19:00.002-04:00

I had a profound conversation on Friday that changed my entire perspective on sugar, wheat, gluten, and dairy. I followed that up with some internet research and it would seem that sugar is EVIL for your body.

So, I'm going to conduct a 3 week experiment on myself. I've never known myself to be allergic to wheat or gluten but what happens if I completely take it out of my diet for 3 weeks? Hmmm... Will I have more energy? Will getting fit present an easier fit? I'm going to find out.

What happens if I take out sugar 100% (other than what's in the fruits and veggies)? Hmm... I've done it before but let's see how I feel now (especially with the coffee gone- sob, sob!).

So it's Day 1 of NO wheat, gluten, dairy, sugar, and, oh yeah, coffee and I'm feeling kinda light headed, kinda wierd. I'm not sure if it's a good wierd or a bad wierd but I'm missing the coffee and I'm missing the sugar big time. The wheat and gluten, not so much. So... hmmm... let's see where my body takes this.

Beginning a New Journey... Autism and Divorce

2009-08-11T18:21:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday, my life changed.

There wasn't much on TV so I turned to CSPAN. I'm not much of a C-SPAN fan but a hearing on autism was taking place and I wanted to see what was going on.
As everyone knows, the debate about funding for autism research is HUGE. Not only the funding but the provision and future of children who have autism. How are we, as a country, preparing to train and care for these children who will soon be adults? How are we supporting the families dealing with autism? The questions are numerous and while most of the hearing was about requests for funding, research and support, one of the speakers said something that completely astounded me: families dealing with autism have over an 85% divorce rate.

I'm a predivorce strategist and I work with clients daily on developing pre-divorce exit plans, scenarios, and everything leading up to making the final decision of whether to stay or go. So when I heard that there's an OVER 85% divorce rate among families with autism, it blew me away... and it changed my life.

I did my research. I looked for books on autism and divorce. I went to Amazon.com. NADA, nothing, no books talking about this all important issue.

Divorce is hard enough by itself but I couldn't imagine going through a divorce when dealing with autism. So now I'm on a mission. I'm going to write a book on autism and divorce, not promoting divorce but promoting the support, strategy, and coping strategies that any family dealing with autism need not only to survive together but to thrive together. If you know any married couple (happily or unhappily married) who have children with autism and they'd be willing to interview with me, please let me know. My goal is to interview over 500 couples for the book.

My new calling came to me on a Sunday from C-SPAN. It's amazing how God works...
If you'd like to interview with me, send me an email at thepredivorcestrategist@gmail.com

There's No Room for 'Try'

2009-08-10T08:19:00.002-04:00

I'm up this morning, earlier than I would've liked to have been, bright eyed, bushy tailed and very deep in thought. What am I thinking about? Greatness.

I'm thinking about my own greatness, that it's in me, that I'm using some of it but not all of it, that I'm kind of scared of it and, yet, that I want to channel it for good... How best can I do that?

Well that answer really scares me because every time I ask that question, I get the SAME EXACT ANSWERS... and then comes the thought "Me? Who? How? When? Why?"

And then I get nothing... No answer, no angelic response, no yellow brick road, just silence.

I know what I have to do. I know what it's going to take. I know that it's in me to do it... and I'm still scared.

Here's where I have to take my own success advice, right? Feel the fear and do it anyway. Truth be told, taking a risk has never been my dilemma; staying the course has been. Rejection is never what's gotten to me in the past; doubt always has been and, for the very first time in my life, I don't care so much about the doubt. I no longer have the luxury of not staying the course.

I know what I have to do and I'm now willing to be here as long as it takes to get it done... and I'm still scared. Ahh, the beauty of being alive, to feel what we feel and still keep it moving!

As the wise Yoda has said, "Do or do not. There is no try!"

Yesterday I Had a Down Day

2009-07-15T07:59:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had a down day. I don't have them very often so when they arrive, it has a profound effect on me. I felt fear, doubt, and worry yesterday and while I knew that it wasn't based on anything tangible, I couldn't shake a sense of feeling like I wasn't as far along as I wanted to be. Well, yesterday's gone and today is here and I went to bed extra early (I'd only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before) and, at 5:47 am, I feel absolutely refreshed, in passion, and on purpose.

What's the point?

There are going to be discouraging days. There are going to be days where you feel like you're not as far along as you'd like to be, where you look at your results and you look at your efforts and you wonder "Is this worth it?"

Understand what those days come to teach you:

1) Surrender
Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly that we're not able to let go and trust that everything works out in divine timing; it does. Yesterday, I wanted to write a facebook note and was upset with myself most of the morning that I didn't feel like writing it. Guess what happened? I meditated mid-afternoon and got up and wrote a fabulous note in under 15 minutes. Had I trusted that the words would come, I would've saved myself a great deal of frustration.

2) Self Care
Sleep IS vital. Let me say that again (because I'm talking to myself too here): SLEEP IS VITAL. If you aren't getting AT LEAST 5 hours of sleep a night (Dr. Oz says 7-8), you are not at your best and when you're not at your best, little things start to look like big things and opportunities begin to look like obstacles and, before you know it, you start to miss important experiences. Get sleep. If you can't get it at night, take naps during the day. Meditate. Quiet your mind. All of these are key. Eat well. Eat healthy. Drink plenty of water. As Norman Vincent Peale has said, "A clean mind always delivers power."

3) Faith
I can't speak on faith enough. If I could spend everyday talking about one thing, it's faith. What you believe in (what you truly, deep down believe in) becomes true for you. When you're tired and frustrated, sleep deprived and having a discouraging day, really pay attention to your thoughts because they're pointing out to you what you truly, in your subconscious, believe. This is a wonderful opportunity because when it comes to the surface (and it always does on a discouraging day), you have the opportunity to go, "Hmmm, so that's what's hiding in my subconscious. Ok. What results has that kind of thinking been getting me? Hmmm, ok, so not what I want. Well, let me now choose differently." And then you're free to choose new thoughts that take you from success to success.

4) Every experience is a success
Here's the thing about discouraging days: they pass. Don't get caught up in one discouraging day. It has its purpose in your life. Maybe you're not supposed to work so much on that day. Maybe you're supposed to get wind of the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. Maybe you're supposed to learn how to trust and let go. Maybe you just need to go out and have some fun for once. Who knows? But the truth is this: every experience is a success and everything happens for a reason. When you begin to look at life this way, even the discouraging days encourage.

The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind

2009-07-06T13:14:00.003-04:00

I'm not always in the mood to be nice... Really, at times, it feels like a whole lot of work. But what I've also come to realize is that there's a difference between being 'nice' and being 'kind.' Nice is an external front; kind is an internal way of being.

So I'm working these days to cultivate kindness. Kindness is being considerate of others, being patient, using gifts and talents to help other people because their joy alone is worth it. Kindness is seeing other people even when you don't feel like looking. It's listening to their needs and wants when you'd rather be talking about your own. Kindness is cultivated.

I water kindness daily. I try to give it Nutri-grow and, every now and then, a weed comes in. I get impatient. I fall short of the mark and then I remind myself that I want as much to be seen and heard by this person as they desire it from me. So I give of myself again, not because I have to (i.e. because I'm supposed to be 'nice') but because I know what it feels like to want to be seen and if I can give that to someone, I will.

It doesn't mean I don't get annoyed at doing it. It doesn't mean there aren't days when I'd rather say, "Can you chill for a bit while I focus on me?" After all, who doesn't like focusing on themselves? But life isn't about me; it's not about you. It's about US and until I can see you and witness your life and you do the same for me, there is no US.

I love the fact that I'm becoming more aware... now if I could become more patient faster, that would be great! LOL.

A Homeless Girl and an Executive Guy

2009-06-02T17:50:00.001-04:00

I woke up this morning to grey skies in sunny California. I'm getting used to the idea that the fog comes in the morning and midday brings with it the beauty of blue skies and endless sunshine. It's an interesting thing... Being from Connecticut where the weather is what it is (rain, snow, sleet, humidity), California seems to always have surprises at hand, weather and otherwise.

So here I am and here my life is and what have I learned thus far? *Love is all there is.*

This morning, I was sitting in Starbucks, and a tall man dressed in a full suit (business professional) was putting cream and sugar in his coffee. A young girl (not more than 19), came up to him (she was casually dressed) and said, "Sir, do you have any change?" She didn't look homeless but, as soon as I heard her words, I knew she was. She was homeless and, of all the people in this Starbucks, she went to the one man who she thought could help her and, without even so much as a look in her direction, he replied, "Sorry, no."

I knew he had change. This girl knew he had change. He knew he had change. And I saw the girl go back to her seat in Starbucks and I wondered, "Should he have said yes?" Two minutes later, after the man left, the girl got up and bought herself a small coffee and I wondered to myself, "If she needed his money so badly, how could she have bought a coffee for herself?"

At this moment, I got clearly that I was passing judgment on everyone in the room, including myself and I took a step back. I came back to what is said in "The Four Agreements": Don't make assumptions. I don't know this girl's situation. I don't know why the professional guy said no.

All I know is that we're living in a world that is endlessly abundant, a world where each of us can live as we please, as abundantly as we please, as joyously as we please. I left Starbucks wondering if this young girl, with so much life left to live, and that tall, business dressed man, with maybe a sense of dismissal, knew how endlessly abundant our world truly is. I myself was reminded that there is no limit to what each of us can give...

I Could Write 15 books...

2009-06-02T13:51:00.004-04:00

My life has changed so dramatically from 3 years ago to now, I can't even begin to tell you...

Today is my youngest child's 3rd birthday. It's bittersweet. She's not with me and she's turning three. I'm not there to tell her "Happy Birthday" in person and, yet, this is the first year that I'm not crying about it. I'm at peace with where my life is because if there's one thing all of my experiences has come to teach me, it's this:

this too shall pass.

I'm learning that life is much like nature: it reveals its secrets by and by.

Needless to say, I could write 15 books on what I've experienced in the last 4 years ALONE.

Danielle Steele watch out. I've got so much more to tell and this is only the beginning!

Kassandra Vaughn Modeling Portfolio

2007-12-25T05:56:00.001-05:00